Why I decided to adopt | Brooke's story
If you're the type of person who loves reading detailed accounts of strangers' life choices, well, then you're in good company... and in the right place.
I won't lie to you and say it's not that long. It is. But a decision like this deserves to be deeply considered. And it was.
This is my story of our pursuit of adoption.
....................................................................
It all started with a book - The Best Yes, by Lysa Terkerst - a book that's not about adoption nor that I thought would prompt any idea of adoption.
I started reading The Best Yes right after the new year because 2017 was crazy. And I didn't want 2018 to be. (Hilarious, now that I think about it.) The Best Yes is about decision-making; Christ-centered decision-making. 2017 was a very successful year for Adirondack Peach, one that I was proud of. But what started in January as a girl leading a business, ended in December as a business leading a girl. The growth and busyness of Adirondack Peach sent up some red flags for me and I wanted to start 2018 by completely reevaluating where and to whom I would give my future yes's and no's.
And then it happened.
I'm reading the book and adoption pops into my mind.
And I simply dismiss it as a nice thought and continue reading the book for "practical, business purposes."
And then it happened again... and again... and again.
And all of a sudden, the book I'm reading has nothing to do with Adirondack Peach and everything to do with the idea of adoption.
Do you really want us to adopt, Lord?
I wanted to want it. I did. But I was scared.
What if Brad thinks I’m crazy?
What if it takes five, six or seven years?
What if the child has needs we can’t provide for?
What if I don’t attach to the child?
What if the child doesn’t attach to me?
What if our biological children regret that we made this decision?
What if we find out too late that we’re not cut out for this?
The 'what ifs' were unending. So I did what all women do and I called a girlfriend. We hadn't talked in a number of years but she was a girlfriend who had two biological kids just like me, a husband with a job just like Brad's, and who had already walked down the road of adoption... twice.
And I spewed my questions and fears and hopes and 'what ifs' all over her.
God bless those kinds of girlfriends.
She was kind, genuine, honest, and vulnerable with me. And she was bold enough to ask me some hard questions.
I took those hard questions, mulled over them and would respond. And then I'd ask more questions and she'd ask more questions.
And eventually, she suggested another book: Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore.
I was hesitant to read it. You can blame it on the Amazon reviews. Four and a half stars is pretty impressive but someone always has to go and read the one-star reviews *reluctantly raises hand*.
My fear? That I would feel guilted into adoption. There I said it.
Most people would say that adoption is a good thing and that most people should do it. I also knew that, as a Christian, I am called to care for the widow and the orphan - to take care of those in need. Brad and I's current response to that call is that our home will always be open to anyone and everyone. We had already housed three different friends for multiple years and we have another friend currently living in our house now. We also open up our home on a weekly basis to our high school friends to come, eat, talk, study, etc. So, at this point, I just wasn't sure what I was called to.
The open home thing?
The letting people live with us thing?
The adoption thing?
All those things?
What was my part to play in providing for those that need a home?
My fear? That I would feel guilted into adoption. There I said it.
Most people would say that adoption is a good thing and that most people should do it. I also knew that, as a Christian, I am called to care for the widow and the orphan - to take care of those in need. Brad and I's current response to that call is that our home will always be open to anyone and everyone. We had already housed three different friends for multiple years and we have another friend currently living in our house now. We also open up our home on a weekly basis to our high school friends to come, eat, talk, study, etc. So, at this point, I just wasn't sure what I was called to.
The open home thing?
The letting people live with us thing?
The adoption thing?
All those things?
What was my part to play in providing for those that need a home?
One morning, I was up in my shop packaging signs. I was listening to a podcast (The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey - go and listen to it now, like now now) when a guest on the show mentioned Corrie Ten Boom. And my mind went down a rabbit trail.
If you're unfamiliar with Corrie Ten Boom, she and her family hid Jews in their home during World War II. Her family was caught and imprisoned for their actions. Corrie survived the concentration camp, however, many of her family members did not.
Why, God?
Why do I get to live in a place where I don't have to worry about hiding what I believe in? Why do I get to live in a place where I am free? Where I have a roof over my head, enough food to eat, and water that runs when I turn on the faucet?
Questions like these had come to my mind before but I never had an answer.
This time, the Lord brought to my mind Psalm 139.
Psalm 139 describes God's intimate knowledge of who we are and how He created us.
Vs. 13 says:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Vs. 16 says:
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I had processed these verses before from the perspective of being in awe and in wonder of who God is and thankful for how He knows me. The idea that God made me on purpose was something I'd always known but this particular day 'purpose' went much deeper.
If God knew ahead of time how He would make me, what I would look like, what kind of personality I would have, what my strengths and weaknesses would be.... then He also knew what country I would live in, who my parents would be, whom I would marry, how much money we would make, etc. He knew all along.
He allowed it all along.
But why?
Again, going back to Corrie Ten Boom: Why is her story, her story and why is my story, my story?
And the Lord brought this thought to my mind: “If you have, then you should give.”
It was as if He said, in His most gentle voice, "Yes. Yes, I knew who you would be and what you would have and where you would live. I knew all of it. And I didn't give you those things so you could keep it all for yourself. If you have, then you should give. All the unknowns you're afraid of? Those are for me to handle."
The Lord simplified adoption for me into three questions:
"Do you have room in your home for another child?" Yes.
"Do you have room in your finances to care for another child?" Yes.
"Do you have room in your heart to love another child?" Yes.
"Then let me take care of the rest," He seemed to say.
But God didn't stop there. After that, the feeding of the 5,000 came to mind.
Remember the time Jesus fed 5,000 people with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish? If you’ve never read it, you can find it in Matthew, Mark, Luke AND John – the story is so popular it’s the only miracle (besides Jesus’ resurrection) that is mentioned in all four gospels. You should definitely read the original but I’ll paraphrase what happens below in Mark’s version (Mark 6:34-44)…
Jesus finds himself talking to a crowd of about 5,000 men (not including women and children). And the people listening are so fascinated by Jesus’ words that they listen to what Jesus has to say for a long time, long enough that the crowd would have grown increasingly hungry. Jesus, knowing their physical as well as spiritual needs, tells his disciples to give the crowd something to eat.
The disciples are flabbergasted at the request. “That would take more than a year’s wages!” the disciples protest. Jesus doesn’t negate their point but he doesn’t let them off the hook either. Still concerned about 5,000 people’s tummies, he rephrases his request and asks, “What do you have?” (emphasis mine).
After assessing their resources and the crowd’s, the disciples return with grim news. They did find food but not nearly enough. A small boy in the crowd happened to have a lunch – five loaves and two fish to be exact - but, on the bright side, he’s willing to share.
Jesus ends up taking the loaves, praying a prayer of thanks over them and then asks the disciples to distribute the loaves and fish to all the people (who are now sitting in groups of hundreds and fifties). The disciples do as Jesus asked and every person in the crowd eats until they are satisfied – not eats enough to tide them over, but enough to be satisfied (which for me means at least seconds, if not thirds if guacamole's involved). Not only that, the disciples end up with leftovers! Twelve basketfuls of leftovers to be exact (ironically, or maybe not so ironically, the same number as there are, what used to be, doubting disciples).
Now, I’ve heard many sermons and many talks on the “little” that the boy had. The idea is presented that, when we think we don’t have enough - when we just give Jesus our “little", Jesus can do infinitely more than we can imagine with it. Now, I won’t argue with that. And there have been times in my life when I needed to be reminded of that truth. But this time, the story took a different twist for me.
Instead of perceiving that the boy had little, God pointed out to me that, depending on the context, the boy also had much. Is 5 loaves and 2 fish a lot of food? No. But in the context of the situation (being surrounded by 4,999 other people with zero food), the boy had a lot of food. Compared to the crowd, the boy had more than anyone else present.
So which is it? Did the boy have little? Or did he have much? It all depends on the context you see it in. According to New York State, Brad and I's income qualifies our family for certain government-funded benefits. According to New York State, we have 'little'. But change the context, and compare us to the rest of the world, and suddenly we are among the richest on the planet. We have much.
In the context of the rest of the world - in the context of any orphan anywhere - we have much. And it’s that much that God asks me to give to Him. To see what He can and will do with it.
Am I cut out for adoption? No. But the boy wasn’t cut out for feeding the 4,999 other people either. He did, however, have resources. And he trusted Jesus with the resources he had.
If I believe that God knit me together in my mother’s womb. If He knows how many individual hairs are on my head. If everything about me was on purpose. Then it is no accident that I live in the most affluent country on Earth, in a home that keeps me warm, with plenty of food in my refrigerator, and water that flows at the twist of a knob.
That day, in His gentle way, God pointed out to me that it’s not my job to be 100% qualified or to have all the answers. It’s my job to simply trust the One who’s asking. And He will take care of the rest.
If I have - and I do - then I should give.
And that's when I said, "Okay, Lord, I'm all in."
After a few more conversations with Brad (and I'll let him tell his side of the story). "I'm all in," became "We're all in," and early in the morning, on February 14th, we sent in our first pre-application to adopt. It wasn't until later in the week that I realized that the day we decided to turn the idea of adoption into the reality of adopting was Valentine's Day.
And what could be more appropriate than that?
....................................................................
Read Brad's side of the story here.
After a few more conversations with Brad (and I'll let him tell his side of the story). "I'm all in," became "We're all in," and early in the morning, on February 14th, we sent in our first pre-application to adopt. It wasn't until later in the week that I realized that the day we decided to turn the idea of adoption into the reality of adopting was Valentine's Day.
And what could be more appropriate than that?
....................................................................
Read Brad's side of the story here.
Comments
Post a Comment