ONE MONTH HOME

Today is Benjamin's one month anniversary as a citizen of the United States.  It's been one month since we landed on U.S. soil and boy has it been a doozy.

We've had highs, lows, and everything in between - from communication barriers to two-year-old tantrums to sign language successes to sibling rivalries to 104-degree viruses to square dancing.  Yes, square dancing.

Where should I start?

Well, half of Benjamin's molar fell out on the last flight home from China.  And since we've been home, he's been to the dentist, our general doctor, a pediatric cardiologist, and will go back to the dentist tomorrow to extract the rest of that broken molar (you read that right, he's been eating on a broken molar for 4 straight weeks).

Benjamin's first cardiology appointment.

Abilene and Andrew both had viruses that included 48 hours worth of 103/104 degree fevers, each a week apart.  Our sleeping arrangements weren't working in the first week home so three days after we landed back in the U.S., every single person in our family switched rooms in our house.  Brad officiated an out of town wedding (that's also when the virus hit our house, naturally), taught square dancing at the high school for a week, is in the middle of coaching season for track, and is currently wrapping up the After Prom Party scheduled to happen this coming Saturday.... oh, and he also has his actual job with Young Life, no big deal.

9am at the urgent care in Plattsburgh = Chick-fil-A milkshakes for breakfast.

To say we're tired would be an understatement.  It's not Brad's fault.  Bringing Benjamin home just happened to happen at Brad's busiest time of year so I've been treading water in the very deep ocean of adoption for the majority of the time by myself.  The lifejackets of paternity leave or having your mom come help you when you have a newborn are out of the picture.  And this transition has been hard and long and grueling.  But for all that's been hard, we've had a lot of wins since we got home.  I want to write about them to help you get a better picture of what life's been like in the Varner house but also document what's working and where we're seeing some light at the end of the tunnel (albeit a lifelong tunnel) for other adoptive families.

Right before Benjamin's first Easter egg hunt.

When I started typing out all that has been going well, I realized that I can't talk about all of it in one post.  I'm so thankful to say that the post would be way, way too long.  Benjamin is making amazing strides, AMAZING strides.  I cannot believe how much he is learning and how well he is adjusting.  He's two years old for goodness sakes!!

Honestly, look at how happy this kid is!

With a few drafts already started, I'm excited to roll out some of the ways we're winning in this whole adoption thing - and I use the word "winning" not in a cocky way but in a way that reminds you (aka, me) that you're doing the best you possibly can and some things are actually working and that's worth celebrating.  Look for the first post by the end of the week 💛

In the meantime, here's how you could best help:

First, keep letting Brad and I be Benjamin's sole providers.  If we're out and about, please, please, come say, "Hi!"  but we still can't pass Benjamin around to be held yet, let other people give him snacks, walk him around, rub any boo-boos, etc.  We're making a lot of strides with Benjamin understanding what a family unit looks like and keeping him close is the main proponent of that.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for understanding and being patient with us and him.  It's working 💛

Second, pray.

My four main prayers have been:

1.  That Benjamin would learn English quickly.  Benjamin has so much he has to process and work through.  The sooner a language barrier isn't one of them, the sooner he (and we) can work on addressing what he really needs better.

2.  That Benjamin would increase in trust.  Trust in us breaks down his fears that he has to do life on his own and brings him closer to being in a position to heal from the trauma he's experienced.

3.  That Brad and I (and Abi and Andrew) would increase in compassion.  Compassion allows us to adjust our expectations for Benjamin and meet him where he truly is in any given moment.

4.  That the Lord would protect Brad and I's marriage.  Our unity is the. most. important. thing. for Benjamin to be successful, for Abi and Andrew to be successful, and for Brad and I to be successful.  When stress is high, it's easy for the ugly to come out.  When Brad and I are good, life tends to be a lot better for everyone involved.  I've been praying for the Holy Spirit's protection over that.

You guys are the best and I can't wait to tell you more soon!  We love each and every one of you so much!

Much love,
Brooke